Mother Of The Bride Guide
We love our mothers, and while planning your wedding, the most important thing to remember is that our mothers love us too – more anything in the world. To them, this is as much their day as it is their children’s. Everything your mother does is in her best interest and yours (whether you know it or not.)
But how do you tell your mother when a decision needs to be yours? How do you tell her to stop without being rude or causing turmoil?
We’ve decoded a few of our own little tips and tricks however by no means is this the only solution. You and your mothers have a special relationship and ultimately it’s your love for each other that will triumph in the end.
My Mother Needs Constant Updates!
So you’re working diligently to try and pull everything together; making calls to vendors between stops in the day. You may also be deflecting calls as you are focused and just trying to get through the day. By the end of the day you finally have a chance to check your phone and see that your mother tried calling you several times through out the day. This is not the first time this has happened and you dread calling her back.
No worries!! Your mother has spent so much of her life taking care of you, running around like a mad woman, taking you to this practice, picking up supplies for that project, making baked goods for that event. This is her life blood coming back after who knows how many years since you’ve needed her in that way! She feels useless when she’s not helping and can’t avoid thinking it’s her responsibility to do a lot of the work for you.
So breathe… pick up that phone, and call her back. “Hi, Mom! Sorry I missed your call. Do you have time tomorrow to meet me at our coffee place to catch up?”
Also, keep in mind, she wants to help, she wants to be there for you. If you have a mother who wants to be so involved it’s driving you mad, then make a list for her. Set up a schedule once a week or every other week when you two can get together and chat about Her tasks. It will be so much easier to plan like this rather than feeling like you have to do everything and then relive it every time she calls.
My Mother Doesn’t Get Me!
How often did we feel like our parents were constantly telling us to be more this, not wear that…? It’s their job to be our protector and sometimes they see a better perspective of how we are acting and just want to nip the turmoil in the bud before it transpires into regret. I’ll say it again, YOUR MOTHER LOVES YOU! If she’s taking the effort to struggle with you about your decisions it truly honestly means she cares!
Ok, so ultimately your day needs to be yours and especially with a w00t wedding, you’re going to have very unique choices which she may not understand at all! “You’re not really going to do that, right?!” “Oh but wouldn’t it be better if you did it this way?” “You know that looks stupid, right?” “Do you really think other people are going to like that?” The not so polite answer to everything is “My wedding, my way.” But it’s true, this is YOUR day… Why wouldn’t people love to go see something different and representative of who you are?
You must have the talk with Mom. Be polite. Be kind, calm and relaxed. Take her to a spa, if she likes that. Let her know you love her and you want her to be apart of your wedding (because ultimately you really do.) Tell her it was your choice to have a themed wedding and it will be great! Remind her how special she is to you and you are to her; try to help her see from your perspective why you made the choice you did. If you can put the passion you have for your theme into telling her about it, she will get excited and bite her mom tongue.
She may request a compromise on some items and that’s totally fine too! but remember, your day, your way. And while this is true, try to keep in mind, you don’t want to become a “-zilla” either.
Day Of Disasters; Avoiding Fights with Your Mothers
So you’ve taken as many precautions as possible or maybe none at all and it’s the day of and your mother(s) is ruling the roost getting in everyone’s business. How do you stop it before no one wants to be around her the rest of the day. If you have a coordinator this is a perfect time for them to step in and either distract or assist with what the mother needs. Mom is doing her best and remember she loves you! She may be that type A person but she can be consoled and calmed. Whether it’s a maid of honor, best man or coordinator let them be the middle ground. You are preparing for a big moment in your life and you have so much support ready and available to help calm the seas when and or if something starts to get out of hand.
Be happy, breathe and remember you are not alone!